Is life just a series of coincidences looped together that seemingly makes us feel we are in control of that which cannot, by any stretch of the imagination be controlled? Else, we do not understand the very non-purpose of life itself, unless of course we first understand that which under pins our existence, without doubt is the very essence of that which is out of our control. The question if you will. The answer that always eludes us. Not only perpetually eludes us, but it seems can only be answered when we cannot tell any other what the answer to the question is! Purposely done it would seem, so in reality and the cold lights of dawn, we have to unwilling accept that our life is not in are control as much as our existence was not in our control. And can it be said that this is the precursor to humanities down fall, or can it be said that in realisation of this one most stark evident fact, it will in fact be our salvation, from ourselves and what we are capable of on so many levels. In other words the monsters we are!

Depth is a perception of those who have never delved to the depths before, unwittingly denying themselves, the ability, to scale other levels of understanding outside the realms of this human existence we live, created by the need for perpetual political religious beliefs in utter stagnation. But in essence it is the depths of human existence we must travel to, on a quest of that that is simply all-human existence amounts to. A simplicity bound by the conformity of the prison bars erected by the words ‘this is the only way life can be, for it is the only way life is’. Is this eventuality that that cannot be denied because of its ever-encroaching application upon our daily lives the sole purpose of our existence? To think that by thinking we can sort out the world’s issues that were caused by thinking in the first place. Is it so undeniable we deny this every single day to be able to continue what we accept as being our lives, no matter how messed up and derailed they may have become? Is that it? Is that all we have amounted to in consideration of what we destroyed along the way to have what we actually do not hold at all? Is our purpose simply to continue to think we know best, when actually all that ever results in, is what is actually best for ‘us’ regardless of how that may affect or even harm others around us? The derailment caused by selfishness that all, including not least, the author of these words are so easily capable of and without hesitation or the possibility of stagnation, even though every single aspect of our lives is held to this esteem. But do we see this? Do we in fact have the sight to see this? Or is it the case that none will see this until they are made to see this eventuality so clearly that it stops them dead in their tracks with the ultimatum ‘shit, I am not actually in control of anything and I have never been!’ Only then will humanity see the light if you will and that light is nothing more than the realisation that you and I, and I do mean you and I are in control of nothing. And the sooner you realise this one very simple stark fact, then and only then can we start to live as we once did. In a harmony that revolves around a simple realisation that is so simple in application it frightens the thinkers into a paranoid state of self importance, to mask what they know deep down is very true and Is in fact the truth humanity daily denies itself from accepting in a vain attempt to try and take control from that that cannot be controlled, bribed or even asked in my opinion.

Do I know what this controlling, overwhelming, loving, compassionate force is? Well to be absolutely honest, I haven’t the foggiest!! I haven’t got a clue! But I will say this from experience that it most certainly is a female!! A loving caring wonderful bitch who it seems has a wonderful if not compelling sense of humour, which knows absolutely no bounds, but knows exactly when and where it should be applied. And those will babble with what they will babble about. Those will try to convince me that they know whom I talk of. Those will talk of this god and that god, this book that book who themselves it seems are locked in a primitive state not of their conception, not of their idea and NOT of their imagination, but and simply but of others who have convinced them that this is the truth of truths, that what they speak of is real and not just a figment of the mind created by nothing more than thinking, nothing more real than the very thought itself that deluded those who cannot accept that what they truly seek has no need to be sought after at all.

And the arguments ensue about who is right and who is wrong, who has the answer to the ultimate question that is simple and an all-concluding ‘why’? The ultimate question that includes every question ever asked within it! For without the ‘why’ humanity has no need for thinking as it serves no other purpose, even though in reality and I do mean, the stark reality your yet to allow yourself to show you, because you have been told and believed with every fiber of your existence that without thinking you are not, as you can only be if you think you are!! How blind it would seem are those who think they see everything, but actually see only that that they think they can see. That is why it is called the MIND because your perceptions must be minded, else you will be lost in the perception of that which you truly are against and that you falsely think you are! Consider this if you will if I am not meant to be writing this later to publish, then surely I would be doing something entirely different! Did I think I had to write this or did I Impulsively write this – And that my friends, is the question that answers the riddle of life itself if you allow it too? Dare you break down the importance of human existence into one most simplified question? Dare you deny everything you hold dear in your perceived intelligence to dare to answer this one but most important question? Dare you?

My answer is simple. The words typed upon this page are not the words of a thinking man, but are those of an impulsive man delegated to do as such by a compulsion he cannot explain, nor is he willing to try to explain. Except to say he does not know why it happens all he knows is that it does. And to be absolutely honest with you I prefer it this way and wouldn’t have it any other way now. My life it seems began with an impulse and I had no control over it, as I truly have no control over the outcome of the day we call tomorrow, in reality. Yes granted, I can make plans and yes those plans could come to fruition, but possibly and most probably not in the way I expected them to and most probably not at all. Because ultimately and most definitely not one of us can ever control ‘time’ and that my friends is the sole and key factor of human misunderstanding and arrogance, because we think we can. Hanging like a noose around our necks is the never ending attempts to do just that and try to control the uncontrollable.

So whom am I that feel’s the compulsion to write these words? I am a MONSTER! A selfish, uncaring, malicious, nasty and childish monster that lives in the mind of a loving, caring, giving, honest and nice human being. But maybe I have realised the ultimate realisation? I have realised I had no say in this; I am only a product of my own mind inflicted with its curse because that’s what my life has resulted in. An excuse it may seem to some to cover all I have done, to somehow pass the blame, but oh no, this is an obvious truth that doesn’t distract from the fact I am fully aware of the damage I have done and what must be repaired And oh how many have suffered during the journey of what I have resulted in and how sorry Am I that I inflicted them with myself! No Amount of tears can quell the pain I feel for all I have done to so many human beings. Unfortunately, if I am to hurt someone, I am cold and callus, conniving and deceitful, heartless, destructive and relentless. But I Am sure they would agree that I can also be the complete opposite if I need to be, but generally with an ulterior motive. But on the odd occasion the true me shines through and motive is not an issue anymore. And that my friends is what I strive to be daily. I try to be that wonderful logical human being, but unfortunately I live in an illogical world and thus that is where the problem lies that at this moment has no solution.

Obviously I realise I cannot effect a change on anything that has been; the history of such matters is already written and cannot be changed. And as much as I want too, it is not possible. I can try and change my ways, which I have tried so many times, but always return to this place. The only difference being I would have added to the list of those I have already hurt. So I must suffer alone with what I have done and no less, what I am about to do, because I know I am not out of the woods yet not by a long shot. So hence, I must try to be impulsive and allow the guiding hand that has led me here, to lead me to where I must go next in search of the sanctuary that will allow me to kill the monster I am for all time. To allow me to final find peace, because within that peace there is no place for monsters and what they are capable of. No place for the wants and needs of such a selfish parasitic mask that is overwhelming in its destructive prowess, and its need to self satisfy from the misery and pain of others. But of course it has to be considered as a possibility that there is a place for such a fiend and what it offers would be acceptable, if the intentions behind what it is capable of where switched. That the power it displays with such motives could be used to do good and not just cause destruction. And maybe that is why in hindsight I am still cursed with this infliction, as so many others are. Maybe there is a possibility that all I am is a result of what I need to be, to do what needs to be done, when the guiding hand decides it is the time to do such things. Maybe the world needs a monster that really is a hero, but is only seen as a monster, by those of us that have so much to hide from others. Maybe the world needs to fear in almost a god like way, a monster that is so heinous that they will finally live logically and fall to there knees begging to be able to correct all they have been and all they were to be. Is that I, or is that you? The answer to that my friend’s is simple in my opinion, as simple as, NO one knows. No one as far as I am aware can say without a shadow of doubt what the day called tomorrow will really bring. All we really have are predictions that are either possible or probable and they are infinite in possibility, but most are certainly lacking in probability.

All I know, for some strange reason, is that it is down to one of us to do this, just one solitary human being. And I know many would say this is exactly what religion across the world has spouted for eons. But I feel it is not how their stories go, but at the same time it is in metaphor and this is so apparent when logic steers us to see what is the only possibility that is probable. But I also feel where they are mistaken is in recognizing what is actually needed, both the part they worship and the part they fear, as a combination guided by a un tangible force far to simple for us to even contemplate let alone understand. But this force of good intention has a delivered a simplicity that is genius in its application that requires one human being in one position and that is all that needs to happen. This in its self is the most logical answer to a question thousands if not millions have asked and argued about for centuries and centuries and the requisite of religion was to hide this inevitable fact behind stories that suit their parasitic needs and nothing more, because they know that what I speak of will occur and they have known this for all time. And they know within this, their place has gone and they will be no more and how do they know this? Put simply, because it is the most logical and probable possibility out of all possibilities that exist. What they have created will be their destructor, as all that is malignant and based on tyranny only ever leads to self-destruction by its own hand.

It was once said that with great power comes great responsibility and I totally agree with this and now fully appreciate that not one human being could be trusted to do this, unless of course they realise that they are simply a tool for something far wiser than any of us and in doing so fully understand that they must do as asked and not as they determine to do. To allow the guiding hand to be the force behind them, so they make the changes needed to be applied, to force humanity into doing the right thing, but only at the bequest of such a guiding benevolent loving bitch that it seems is all knowing and is willing to share this knowing if we only would listen. As I have said I don’t know who is willing to sacrifice their persona to do as such, as it is only logical that they must relinquish their own freewill, sacrifice all they wish to be, to become what they will be molded into. To allow a change of direction and a new understanding that will allow us to about turn and head back to who we really are, undoing all we have done in the name of the monsters we now are, because if we face facts not one of us is not a monster in some small way… x

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